Invincible and Inerasable
by nalagaOcean777
Summary: He thought they'd never disappear - that nothing could possibly take them away. But he realizes now that he was wrong all along.


Disclaimer: Tales of Phantasia is not mine. Period.

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Dad was invincible.

That's how I'd always thought it, maybe subconsciously, maybe not in those exact words, but that's how it had always come out in the end. I mean, he was my idle - he'd taught me everything I know about the sword, he was the Captain of the Order of Euclidian Knights…and dad seemed to know everything, back when I was little. I could ask a question, and he could answer it, and it never failed to amaze me. He was the powerful pillar that held up my own ideas and ideals. He was the person I could lean on if I wasn't strong enough to carry something myself. And there were always times when I would stand back in awe, mouth agape, as he'd take that same load and carry it all on his own, and laugh, because it was so easy, though he'd always say it was the expression on my face that was priceless. But even though he was so much better than I could ever be, even though he could always be doing more exciting things, he spent more time with me than he did with anybody else, always teaching me something new, always telling me how talented I would become, how I made him proud. He was my dad, and I'd always feel delighted enough to burst when he greeted newcomers for the first time, standing so straight and tall, with his battered green cape that he loved so much, and his warm, jubilant smile - the way his brown hair could get so messily heroic in the wind.

He…he was my hero.

Dad was invincible.

-----

Mom was inerasable.

If dad was the pillar that held up the world as I knew it, mom was the world itself. She could be so many things at once - a gentle angel one moment, a cruel task-mistress the next. An amazing chef, an incredible healer, an athlete, a singer. But, most importantly, she was always there - even if dad had to go away sometimes on business, even if Chester somehow got down with the flu and there was no one else to play with, even if the sun should fade and the moon should shatter - I thought she'd always be there no matter what. There to help me on my way, to pack the lunch, to tell me to brush my teeth, to find the apple gels when I was hurt. I always thought that there would never, ever come a time when she _wouldn't_ be there, when I'd turn back and she _wouldn't_ be standing serenely behind me, in that green dress that she had patched up so many times because it was her favorite, with her warm blue eyes shining and that small, gentle smile that could tell so much more than any other person's laugh ever would. I thought that she'd _always_ be there, to make sure I was okay, to make sure I made the right choices every day - to make sure I was happy.

She…she was my own personal guardian angel.

Mom was inerasable.

-----

Dad wasn't invincible.

He was a great swordsman, but even he could meet his match, and it had been long since he had truly been a sprightly young man that could take on the world and come out victorious. He fought hard, and he fought valiantly, but blades cut him as I thought they never would, and there's only so much a man can take after awhile. The load had been too heavy to carry this time. He was my pillar, but the pillar had been broken into a thousand pieces, pieces impossible to put back together again. And his hair, which I'd thought would always remain messily heroic in the wind, was drenched in blood from a blow to the head when I found him at last, broken, defeated.

That was when I realized it at last…that was when I was cruelly but firmly ripped from fantasy and thrown into the bleak truth…

Dad wasn't invincible.

-----

Mom wasn't inerasable.

She might have been the world to me, but worlds that fight illness and are then attacked suddenly and mercilessly by powers far greater than themselves cannot possibly hope to come out intact. She was the jack-of-all-trades, and might have known how to fight once, but she'd always been a woman of peace, and it had been too long since she'd raised a fist against her enemies. She might have always been there for me, but…but it was the one time _I_ wasn't there for _her_ when the price was paid. Her warm blue eyes had been clouded over and dulled when I had laid her head on my lap and begged her to stay, begged her to be _there_, because I didn't know how the world would possibly be like _without_ her - and when she tried to smile that smile of hers one more time, when she tried to let me know that everything would be okay by that simple curving of lips that had always comforted me before…it stopped halfway, and froze, and slowly faded away. Her green dress was torn and spotted with red, and she was _gone_…

I had taken her for granted. I had been wrong, all along.

Mom wasn't inerasable.

-----

They had never been any of those things in the end, really. Dad had tried to be invincible. Mom had tried to be inerasable. For _me_. Because I needed that, back when I was young. I needed that absolute _certainty_ to keep on going, back then, back when lives were constantly being put on the line, when anyone could be killed by monsters at any given time. They had only tried to soften the blow, to keep the fear away. For me to be happy, before the world in all its coldness and bleakness and absolute truth invaded the warm, safe bubble of my childhood and took it all away forever.

And I will always be grateful to them for that, because it was a symbol of their love, the greatest gift they had been able to give me.

But the real world must come, eventually. They probably knew that too. And they probably would have let the façade drop, after awhile, had things turned out any other way. Dad probably would have eventually told me that no, he wasn't unbeatable. Mom probably would have eventually told me that no, she couldn't always be by my side.

But they never got the chance, because fate had other ideas.

And now they're both gone forever.

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I'm not invincible.

I'm not inerasable.

And sometimes, I've got to keep telling myself that.

Because I've got friends now, friends so close to me they might as well be brothers and sisters. And if I keep making out that I'm unbeatable, that I'll never be gone, there might come a time when both facts will be denied, and it'll hurt them more than anything ever could. And I can't allow that. Not now. Not ever.

Nobody deserves the kind of pain I had to feel.

Nobody.

But, I suppose, if I ever want to avenge all the lives that have been lost, all of the pain that others have had to feel, I'll have to try to be invincible, and inerasable. And that's the cruel part of it all. Because every time afterward, I have to remind myself that I'm not, and spare others agony.

And it's…hard.

Because dad was. And mom was.

And there's always some little part inside of me that still wants to be just like them - there's always some little part that hopes to achieve great things, and feel the warm pride of their praise, the way I did before they died.

Perhaps that little part will always be there.

And I have to turn my back on that little part, because I can't afford to be that way.

Not if we want to win this war.

Not if I want to defeat Dhaos once and for all…

…

I'm…I'll always be grateful for what they did for me, of course.

But dad's not there to carry the load.

Mom's not there to provide the apple gels.

And I've got to pave my own path now.

So it's time to say goodbye…

To my childhood ideals…

And face the real world.

No matter how cruel it might be.

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Fin.

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A/N: …Well, I believe this is the first time I've ever written real angst, so…I hope it turned out okay. O.O I've resolved not to dabble in this genre often - I don't really like to write depressing stuff too often - but I figured I might as well give it a shot and see how well I can do it, if need be. So…

Criticism? Praise? Dunno, I'll take any tippers…


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